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If only every session of Encounters could go down this well, I think I would stop all gripes and complaints about 4th Edition forever. But before this tale begins, I would like to preface with a few details. First, the characters:

"D"- a halfling "assassin". Below average intelligence. By below, I mean *well* below. He pronounces his name "Caboose". Imagine Brick Tamland as a hobbit.

"Sinclair" - a moody, goth "cleric", who, for some reason I can't define, specializes in healing. Famed for K.O.'ing a guard with a stone, on her first try.

"Tristan Gray" - a human mercenary looking to start his own merc business. Never short on charm, skill, or gold. (That's my character, if you haven't guessed by now)

Now, the second part of the preface, the setup: The whole thing started when Tristan became so incensed over having his favorite shirt pierced by an arrow, he decided to bill the town, namely a man named "Benwick", for the repairs and cleaning. I will clear this up now, Tristan can be a butt hole at times. The three of us have been chasing down a banker named "Ronnik" (I think that's how it's spelled) for Benwick and remove an evil cult of Tiamat (a dragon god). We just got down a zipline leading to the clearing where we finally cornered Ronnik. Now that we have the setup, enjoy the rest of the epic comedy.

Everyone rolls their initiatives like normal. Both of Ronnik's henchman are killed without much fanfare. It was subduing him that things started getting pretty bonkers. Tristan tackles him down to the ground and attempts to pin him down. Ronnik is able to see through Gray's ruse of being much weaker than he looks and powers his way out. This is a common theme for Gray, as he is much more of a con artist than a mercenary, but I digest. As Ronnik gets to his feet, this dialogue happens:

"D" - "Hey buddy, look over here"
(The player, who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, turns to our DM and says, and I quote:

"I do the Truffle Shuffle to distract him."

The remaining three of us, two players and the DM, stop what we're doing in shock. D then proceeds to do the "Truffle Shuffle".)

DM - "Ummm. Okay. Normally that takes a bluff check or..." (trails off, dumbfounded)

Gray - (looking at Ronnik, trying his best to be nonplussed by the spectacle) "To think, Ronny, he's on *my* team."

This whole time, Sinclair is, for the first time since the first session this season, without words. Ronnik is still distracted by the Truffle Shuffle (who wouldn't be?) so I decided to up the ante a bit and try executing a wrestling move I've seen done several times by A.J. Styles, but can't seem to pull off myself. Without wasting time getting back to my feet (that would be boring), I nip myself up, wrap my legs around his head, flip him head over heels and take him back to the ground. In wrestling vernacular, this is called a "headscissors". In D and D terms, many might call this a "waste of a turn". In Guy Named Joe terms, this is called "business as usual".

DM - "Wow. That is going to take one hell of an athletics check. That's sheer athleticism you're using. What's your current modifier?"

Gray - (out of character) "Plus zero".

DM - "Yeah. Well..."

Gray - (still out of character) "Do I have any chance of making it?"

DM - "Yeah, I don't see why not."

Gray - (OOC) "Sweet, I'll take it." (back in character) "Oh, no you don't!"

(A Guy Named Joe rolls his d20.)

I'll make it short, so I can avoid all the alarmed cursing that went on for several minutes, and the shock that followed that. Ronnik soon found himself back on the ground, flung over himself by a man who, by all accounts, never got back to his feet, nor actually tried to lift him with his hands. Look it up on YouTube, kids. Its a real move, I swear. But the story gets better from here. Ronnik once again gets up and attempts to flee the scene, but not before one last attempt at awesomeness by A Guy Named Joe. Gray springboards off the same table that has the still 'Shuffling "D" on it and tackle Ronny down.

Now, let me just say that karma, well, she can be a real downer. Two words come to mind at this point: Air Ball. Once things calmed down at the table (we spent the next 3 minutes or so laughing about the events so far), we just barely managed to subdue Ronny and revive Benwick's friends. Before Benny was to deliver his lines about "doing a great service" and "you will be honored" and stuff like that, the moment finally arrived: time to deliver the Invoice for services rendered. I had taken the time to physically draft up an invoice, just so I can savor this exact moment. I even signed it in character. Sinclair even signed it. Unfortunately, so did "D". I hand the bill to Benny, he looks at it for five seconds, and hands it back.

DM - (as Benwick) "Is this serious?"

Gray - "Sure is. I figured since you're a first time employer that we would waive our usual retainer..."

DM - (as Benwick) "No, the company listing."

Where I put on the invoice "Sign name here", "D" had traced the words "Sign name here", and scratched out the word "here" and replaced it with "hear". I look at "D" with a scowl that is crumbling under the weight of suppressed laughter.

Gray - "What the hell is this?"

"D" - "I didn't understand what you were trying to say. 'Sign name hurry'? You have terrible spelling Tristan."

Take a second and slowly read the last few lines. Can you spot how many things are wrong? If you answered 'everything', then you are not alone. Here's the real punchline to this whole train wreck. We escort Benny and his friends back to town, with Ronny in tow. Despite the embarrassing invoice, Benny decides to gives us the reward he planned on giving us before Tristan's favorite shirt was ever damaged. "How cool of him", I thought. The reward turned out to be about 20 gold pieces more than the invoice was made out for!

Let this be a lesson about modesty, listeners. It can be horribly overrated. Thank you for laughing alongside me today. As a reward, especially for those who have never seen "The Goonies", a visual demonstration of the "The Truffle Shuffle".
XOXO,
-A Guy Named Joe
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So last night the three of us including Bane, Nate from Mountain West Paranormal, and the 14 year old engineering genius Jayden traveled from the Salt Lake Valley down to Pleasant Grove, UT to have the chance at a real scifi space mission. 
The Alpine School district is home to the Christa Mcauliffe Space Education Center.  They run space flight simulators for the kids to teach them about space flight as well as with private parties.  Author Jaleta Clegg is one of the many amazing people that work at this center and since meeting her she has always talked about this space camp/flight simulator she helps run.  Well last night we had the chance to fly a mission for the USS Odyssey.  Malak to command of the ship as its Captain, A Guy Named Joe was Number one.  I was at the Helm and running communications, Nate was tatical, Jayden was our engineer, and Bane did the scanners and everything else he could to help including transporter controls!
We had a great time flying the Odyssey through the mission, some of us were flying all over the place like a crazy mad scientist!  Others were overwhelmed with the responsibility of command!  In the end though we were floating in space with no Impulse or warp engines,  No Weapons,  Shields on Full, and infected with an Alien virus.  Thanks to the mad last second and I do mean last second, Bane literally transported an active torpedo in our ship that was one second from blowing up over to the enemy ship to save the day and defeat the eveil ghost ship!
At the end of the day we were able to say we hadn't died and defeated the mission.  If you haven't done this before and you are a huge Star Wars or Star Trek Geek you have to try this out!!
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